I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
