Non-Jews are for practice
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
