I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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