My nipple is on Facebook.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
And then he peed in my hair
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