hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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