i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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