Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
