Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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