i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
