remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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