im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
