Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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