u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
