My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
