Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
