i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
