i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
