Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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