just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
