For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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