im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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