Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
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MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
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And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
These tits shall not be calmed
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize