Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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