Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We have started to decorate penises.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
