I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Floor bacon is actually really good
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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