Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
