Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
