I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
