You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
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