I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
