I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dick very happy bro
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
