He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
