Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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