I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
