it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
