He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
well you can't waste a boner
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
