I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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