Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
