my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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