What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize