if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
