My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
