haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
