Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Can I color on your dick again?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
