I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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