So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
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tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
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I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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