So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He? As in you personified your dick?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
