Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
