i permit you to call me
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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