You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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