The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Randomize
