she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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