I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
