whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
