babies were throwing up all over the place
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
