it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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