and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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