My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
