i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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