fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
