we're blogging at a bar
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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