You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
