I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
