after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
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