No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize