we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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