Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
When are your genitals available?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
