If i come over, it means nothing
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
