Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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