Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
