worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Randomize
