:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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