I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
