I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's never too late to be topless.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
