Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
