I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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