Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
